Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Dealing with isolation

Today, I was reflecting on how over the years I've come to be a loner. And how vision impairment has isolated me in my relationships and limited the possibility of a relationship with other people. I do meet interesting people with whom I've some connection but howsoever I try I cannot recognize them again. Sometimes even if I have met those people several times, I cannot distinguish them from the rest. They will complain that they waved at me, greeted me and I didn’t respond. They assume I am rude or I want to avoid them.

I try and explain to them about the disease, so that they know that they should come in my field of vision for me to notice them. But then, either they don't remember or understand “my” field of vision. They confuse me with a worse case of myopia.

In a way, it shuts me from the indifferent world. And I can argue that I end up interacting with only those who would really enjoy speaking to me. Eliminates me from just-so-i-saw-you-i-must-speak-to-you ;)

On another level, it is difficult even with family and friends. I stopped communicating to parents about deterioration levels when I realised it upsets them greatly. I cannot see them helpless, weak. With friends I feel I can still talk about fears related to career, independence, relationships but I get two kind of extreme reactions - some think that it is unimaginable how I do everyday things in "my" different way and then there are some who don't really understand that it is difficult.

Over time, I've stopped expecting people to understand. SD is a key element of my life, that defines me and everything I do. Yet, I cannot share it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

We all feel the same. People don't remember or understand it. Welcome back on FB :)))